Saw the following on Nemesis Corporate:

What Kind Of Asian Are You?

Young Asians in America come in many forms. Below are the major categories. Most Asians fit into multiple groups. For example, Rice-boys can also be Fobs and many Tabs are Fobulous. The only groups that are never part of another group are the Twinkies and the Asian-Americans. Claim your Fobbiness! When you see your Asian friend, greet them with “Wassup Fob!” And if your Asian friend says something ridiculous, say “Fob please!” Of course, when a non-Asian calls you a Fob, that is grounds for a fight. Ahahaha… The categories below are to be taken lightheartedly. Read, recognize and laugh.

Twinkie
- Besides your nationality, there is little to distinguish you from white people
- Your significant other is not Asian and never has been
- You have few Asian friends, if any
- You are embarrassed at family events because you cannot speak your language and everyone has to switch to English to communicate with you
- You have no idea that the other types of Asians on this list even exist
- You think Hello Kitty is dumb and do not know what Sanrio is
- You are the only Asian on this list that does not know what Bubble Tea is
- You drive a Ford or some other domestic car and if you drive a Honda, it is stock

Asian-American
- You claim yourself as Asian, but real Asians think you’re whitewashed and non-Asians see you as a foreigner. You fit in nowhere
- You have heard of Bubble Tea but have never actually had any
- You are confused about your cultural identity and express this frustration through spoken word performances at your college
- You read A. magazine and think it’s great
- You do not know who Leon, Aaron, Sammi, Hikki, or Kangta are
- You are only vaguely aware of the other Asians below

Fob (Fresh Off tha Boat)
- You were not born in America
- You know who Leon, Aaron, Sammi, Hikki, and Kangta are. In fact, you have seen them at Atlantic City or Las Vegas recently
- You speak your native language fluently and so do all your friends
- You do not have any non-Asian friends
- Your parents do not speak any English
- When you speak English, you like to make everything plural
- You get extremely good grades in school
- You cannot dance
- Your fashion sense comes from whatever country you’re from and you incorporate nothing from American fashion into your wardrobe

SuperFob
- Your command of the English language is minimal and you don’t care
- You like dim sum chicken feet
- You do not own a single CD, VCD, Video game, or DVD that isn’t bootlegged
- Your only hangout is Chinatown
- All the lights in your house are fluorescent
- You dry your cloths outside your window
- You need a haircut
- You either smell like cigarettes or food

Fobabee
- You are an Asian-American or Twinkie who has recently “awoken”
- You have a newly found fetish of Asian girls/boys
- You have taken the Asian Studies course at college
- You are trying to learn as much as possible about your culture to make up for your lifetime of trying to be white (Twinkie ; Banana) or Black (Chigger ; Thousand year old egg)
- If you are lucky, you will grow to become Fobulous

Gangsta Fob
- You have shot another Asian
- Your favorite hangout is a pool hall
- When you talk, you sound like a cross between a Fob and an urban black kid
- Your hair looks silly, but no one will tell you because you’ll shoot them
- You have a serious gambling problem
- You are a Rice-boy, but your mods are cheap and are never painted to match the rest of your car
- No one tells you your rice ride looks cheap because you’ll shoot them
- You want to have a Tab girlfriend, but can only get Hoochie Tabs

Tab (Trendy Asian B*tch)
- You shop at A/X, Bebe, Banana Republic and Club Monaco
- You only wear black and will occasionally wear white to “mix it up”
- You do not weigh more than 105 lbs
- You have never paid for dinner at a restaurant in your life
- Platform heels are your favorite
- You are a makeup expert, in fact, you appear completely flawless
- You do not smile in public
- You are the object of desire of all Asian men and you know it
- You smoke
- Your cell phone is completely customized
- On the inside flip of your cell phone is a sticker pic of you and your man
- Somewhere in your purse is a Sanrio item
- You only date Asian and will only date a boy with a nice car
- You are often seen with Rice-boys
- You never travel alone. You are either in the company of other Tabs or your Rice-boy boyfriend

Hoochie Tab
- You are an import car model
- Your boobs are not real
- There are naked pictures of you floating around on the internet somewhere
- Stiletto heels are your favorite
- Your role models are Francine Dee and Kaila Yu
- Your boyfriend is a Gangsta Fob
- You cheat on your boyfriend
- Unlike most Asians, you do not do well in school

Rice-Boy
- You drive an Asian import. Usually a Honda or Acura
- Your souped up car (known as a Rice-ride or Rice-rocket) is unrecognizable from it’s original stock form
- Your exhaust pipe is big enough for your head to fit in
- The spoiler on your car looks like it was made by Boeing
- The interior of your car also looks like it was designed by Boeing
- You always drive like you are racing someone
- You are not afraid of dying in a crash, but you are afraid of speed bumps and parking lot on-ramps
- The only other person besides yourself who can sit in your car is your 105 lbs Tab girlfriend. If anyone else sits in your car, the entire bottom of it will be touching the ground
- Even though your car is a Honda, it goes faster and is worth more than a Lotus Esprit
- If you drive a Civic, your dream car is a Supra. If you drive a Supra, your dream car is a Skyline (which you can never have). Poor Rice-boy.

Fobulous
- You speak perfect English and you are fluent in your native language
- You have Asian friends as well as non-Asian friends
- You listen to Asian pop as well as American music
- You are equally aware of both popular American culture and Asian pop culture
- You are a good dancer
- You date Asian by choice even though you could rock the opposite sex of any other race
- You are a good designer and have superior Html skills
- You have an Apt107 page AND an AA page and the guest books in both are packed
- For you, FOB stands for Fabulous Oriental Being
- You have lots of Asian pride

Some of these are really true for me…

1. You get very annoyed with out-of-towners who think the subway is unsafe.
2. You actively avoid bars that people from the outer boroughs frequent.
3. You figure that a date costs at least $200.
4. You have not seen a bank teller in several years, because your idea of
going to the bank is using the ATM at your corner deli.
5. You haven’t smelled grass clippings in over a year.
6. You haven’t “called shotgun” in a long, long time.
7. You think that New Jersey is really far away.
8. You plot the Barney’s Warehouse Sale on your calendar.
9. You have over two month’s rent in credit card debt, but you still eat
out every night.
10. Your give out your cell phone number to people you meet, because that
is the best way to reach you.
11. You have stayed out later than 4 am on a Monday or a Tuesday night.
12. Your passport gets more use than your driver’s license
13. You are ashamed to be assigned a 646 area code.
14. You can’t imagine eating dinner before 8 o’clock at night.
15. Not one of your adult friends is married, has a car, owns an apartment,
or aspires to any of the above.
16. You think nothing of a man in leather pants.
17. Your childhood bedroom is bigger than your current apartment, but your
rent costs more than your parents’ mortgage payment.
18. At least one meal each week consists solely of drinks, olives, and
nuts.
19. You eat Thai, Vietnamese, Indian and sushi at least once each week.
20. You tell everyone you love NY because of the cultural institutions,
but can’t remember the last time you set foot in a museum or theater.
21. You spend $10 to see a movie.
22. You take $150 with you every night you go out: $20 for cabs, $20 for
cover, $60 for dinner, and $50 for drinks.
23. You have gone out on 3 dates with 3 different people in the same week,
but haven’t spoken to any of them since.
24. You wear Prada shoes, Gucci sunglasses, a Cartier watch, and cashmere,
but claim to be poor.
25. You think the only places you could ever live are New York,
Paris, London, San Francisco or on an island in the Caribbean.

Yeah, so it was my 23rd bday on Saturday, but I spent it driving down to Virginia and back - total of 10 hours driving and 500 miles to my car.

My uncle, Carl Bender, the one I bought the Ford Taurus from, passed away and the service was on Saturday. He had a brian tumor that spread and slowly robbed him of his day to day body functions. It was just horrible to see him suffer like that.

He’s a US War Veteran, both WWII and Korea. He’s also a Knight of Columbus. They gave him a soldier’s burial, and give him great honor… A soldier of Christ…

It felt weird, because all my relatives were there, and right after the funeral turned to me and said have a happpy birthday. Just felt so out of place and strange… Well, that’s my story…

The weekend before my birthday, hung out with Tammy, Inez, Kevin, Erin, and Jane, and ate a late snack at Bereket’s (awesome middle eastern/mediterranean food). It was after Inez, bday party where it seemed like 1/2 the west coast came to visit her… LOL We went to Angel in the lower east side afterwards… my kind of place. The party continued to go on…

Thursday the 21st, was my b-day party, and thanks to George @ MAX Happy Hours, I got my own ‘lil VIP booth. The guys copped out (they went to someone’s bachelor party on the same day that planned it the night before) and the old guy that came was Inez’s BF, Kevin. But the party went on anyhow, with me and the rest of the girls… LOL

More pics here

Not a bad way to celebrate a party! Shoutouts to my friends at aKDPhi who also showed up. Afterwards the Brooklyn Babes and Kevin went to Coffee Cafe @ Union Square, where we oogled this *HOT* asian model bartender and savored some Malpeque oysters in a half shell… YUM!

Yeah. I’m back. Training is over. Yay. For those who don’t know, I’ve been at training for the last 2 weeks as part of Johnson & Johnson’s Information Management Leadership Development Program (IMLDP). Anyhow, we were booked up in the Embassy Suites which give you a huge ass room that has a living room and bedroom in a suite the size of my apt for a mere $130 a night. Sheeeeeit! The thing is I hate hotels. Especially the ones with huge ass beds like the ones we had. The bed is about 1.5 times bigger than my loft. You can literally sleep 5 on there… With a bed that big, strange as it may sound, makes one really lonely. For the first week, I was commuting back and forth from the hotel, which really started taxing on me quickly. Second week I stayed there.

Anyhow the weekend was nice. Went to GMAT class, then had my Infinity Basslink Subwoofer installed in my RSX…

Awww yeaaah…

Whooo that thing really rocks. 200 watts of bass banging aginst the rear windshield makes the car rumble. Not exactly competition grade that will wake up the neighborhood and the alarms of cars next to it, but hey, I wanted bass I can feel, not a road hazard.

Met up with Tammy the Friday I got back from training. I was pretty much running on fucking fumes for lack of sleep for the last 3 days of it. Final presentation in front of management of the case study we did. They commended our grop for taking risk and showing initiative as we completly thought out of the box. Hmm… maybe we have job opps there for final placement.

Anyhow it was Inez’s (Tammy’s Cousin’s) bday, so I went to Art Bar after training to join the party. Pretty cool! Afterwards, we ate at Bereket’s this great place for Mediterranean/Middle-Eastern food (ie: falafal, doner kebab, gyros, etc). Place was damn good!

Afterwards we hit Angel, a pretty phat bar in the lower east side, that plays music and drinks are relatively cheap. Met a few more of Tammy’s friends.

Anyhow came out at found a wonderful ticket at my car. Didn’t realize that the night ordinance means midnight of that night! ie: Saturday midight means when the clock hits midnight on Friday. Damn SOB’s That’s the last time I park in the lower east side. I’ll park in Alphabet city next time.

Anyhow Saturday went over to Pat’s building at 30 River Ct. in Newport, NJ. The place is phat! Took this nice pic of the WTC memorial from their side of the water.

Nice picture eh? My camera (Canon S100)has awesome night shot mode.

Anyhow hit a housewarming party, but it was in Jane and Louisa’s apartment. I guess Pat still needed organizing before he had a party at his place. Anyhow, we ate dinner and watched a movie (I forget what, because I showed up fashionably late). Funniest part of the night was that we played SPOONS but made the penalty write spoon on your face with lipstick. Heh - here’s the result of the game:

As you can see Andy lost.

Anyhow my 23rd birthday is this Saturday, and I George hooked me up by renting out club Discoteque on 19th street between 5 & 6th Ave. Party is this Thursday. If you’re interested email me. It’s open invite and to get in I just need your name.

Well, I’m off to work now. My new rotation is at Corporate Information Management Security with the whole group of people who are retired NSA (national security) folks of 30+ years each. I’m working with probably the best talent in electronic security, and hope to learn a lot from them. Anyhow, adios!

Yeah, I know. I haven’t updated in awhile. LOL Work life kinda makes life a little less interesting. You do less during the week (unless you’re Tammy who lives a more interesting life), but if you’re like me, the weekend is where your life is at… Man, I miss college times of chilling with peeps mid-afternoon and stuff… Ahh, the good times…

Anyhow, to recap the last 3 weeks of the lack of a major update, well, Min from Westpoint came down to visit me with 2 of her friends…

We had a night on the town, cruising around in my new RSX…

We had dinner at BBQ, drinks at BBNY in ktown, and Karaoke at MBC in ktown. We drove by Club MK, where guys looked at me funny for having a hot car full of girls. J/K. Acutally we drove by but left since the girls were starting to get sleepy on me. They all slept on the loft, I took the couch. Quite an interesting night, albeit tame…

ordered the Infinity Basslink X for my car. Time to get some whoop-ass bass in my mistress.

Ok, so a lot of people asking why the hell I haven’t had a gf yet, despite the attention I’ve been getting lately. Yeah, having a hot car may have something to do with it, or the fact that its such a ego boost, that my confidence level is a lot higher…

For example at some dumb NYU party, they forgot to bring music, and asked if I could lend them some since I only live a block away. I lent them all the CD’s in my car, which was good stuff. Then this little sophmore guy comes up to the group of people I was with and comments on how the music is old school and how it sucks. Mind you the old me wouldn’t give a shit about this, but with the new ego boost, I got up in his face and told him to respect the old school shit since his puny ass can only appreciate the mass produced N’Sync crap that him and his little teeny-bopper asses been boppin their pre-pubescent asses to. Bite me you unoriginal mofo!

But honestly, I’m not that mean. It’s just that this guy completely inturrupted the conversation I was having at the time, so basically I was using that as an excuse to get all in his face. Needless to say he backed off bigtime… Caroline later told me he was some condom model for some chinese magazine. Damn wuss.

But back to the lecture at hand… Why no girl? Becuase I’m completely satified and comfortable right now. Right now all my attention goes to the car anyways. Well, there’s a girl that I have been having an interest in, but she’s a bit busy right now. I’ll keep you peeps posted.

Pat’s bday was on 3/1. The friends at church pitched in cash for a guitar, and I’m helping out by hocking my bass guitar to help with the huge gap in money they need. Pat is a good guy, and I owe him a lot… He’s kept me in line for many years. This is the least I could do for him.

Anyhow, anytime I’m out with Charles… There always comes trouble. I have no idea why… It just does… But anyways, Thursday night, we’re going over to a bday party, and driving in my mistress, after leaving the Remnant Christian Fellowship meeting at NYU. We see 2 buddies of ours on 6th ave, and honk, and tell them to get in the car in the middle of the road at a red light. They quickly hop in, and we go off about 6 blocks and turn up 10th st. I go about 1/2 way up the block then, *whoop whoop*, the fuzz pulls us over. It was the ‘92 series Caprice (last generation) unmarked car, but had the 4 digit NYPD blue plates. How dumb! Anyhow both guys rush the both sides of the car, and by that time I had the window down already and both hands on the wheel. (Yeah, 2 years of service with the Police Explorers program taught me how NOT to make a cop nervious) The other guy blocks the passenger door, and pushes the side of his jacket to reveal his holstered Glock 19, with a police-issue (for non-police 9 is the legal limit) 13 magazine hollow point clips next to them. Cop #1 is on my side, asks me for the license, registration, and insurance on the car. Ray and JP are in the backseat without their seat belts on. I open the glove box pull out the papers from the acura binder I have in there, and hand out him the papers, and my license from my wallet.

Me: Did I do anything wrong, sir? (a cop must pull you over for a legitimate reason, suspicion alone isn’t a legal reason)
Cop #1: *silence*
Cop #2: *knocks on the passenger side widow* Hey you! Open this window now! (pointing at Charles)
Charles: *fumbles with the door locks thinking it’s the window button*
Me: *uses the driver’s control for the window to pull it down*
Ray: *starts rustling in the backseat*
Cop #1: Hey you! What are you doing back there?!
Ray: Uhh… um… putting on my seatbelt…
Cop #2: It’s kinda late for that now, isn’t it, son?
Ray: uhhh… heh *nervous chuckle*
Me: *shakes head in disbelief*
Cop #1: Is this your car?
Me: yes. Was I doing anything wrong? Why was I pulled over, sir?
Cop #1: Where you coming from?
Charles: Christian fellowship…
Cop #2: Come again?…
Charles: Remnant Christian Fellowship…
Cop #1: Huh?
Me: Yeah, Remnant Christian Fellowship at NYU’s Thomson center
Cop #2: what building?
Me: Thomson center on thomson street - the building that looks like a church
Cop #1: oh ok… *hands back my papers*
Cop #2: Sorry for the trouble you guys… Have a nice night…
Cop #1: (as he walks away) that explains why that kid didn’t lie about the seatbelt…

LOL

Well, that’s what happened. I think they probably though we jacked the car. Young asian guys driving a brand new Acura sports car… Or could be the fact that those 2 jumped in the back in less than 3 seconds. If they were around they probably though it could be a carjacking… Who knows. Kinda funny how the others handled the situation though. JP was sitting in the backseat with such a worried look on his face…

Well, that’s what’s goin on for the last few days. Next 2 weeks, I’ll be at training, so there’s not gonna be much. I’ll be back and forth from here and the hotel, but give a call on the cell if you need me.